Between Kanye West‘s antisemitic rants and slanderous public accusations against his ex-wife Kim Kardashian, the mom-of-four has a lot of work cut out for her when it comes to guarding her young children from their father’s tirades. And during the latest episode of The Kardashians, she tearfully opens up about just how hard it is to constantly be on damage control.
Having left off on a “To Be Continued” in the previous episode, the second episode of Season 3 — titled “Don’t Want It, Don’t Need It, I’m Done” — picks up with Kim crying to her mom Kris Jenner about the “overwhelming” pressure she feels when Kanye gets going in the press.
“I don’t want to be a part of this narrative. It’s like, when is this ever gonna end? It never will. And I’m stuck with this for the rest of my life,” she says through tears.
The reality star — who was married to Kanye for six years — confesses that she used to spend “hours and hours” of her days as the “cleanup crew,” while begging people to give her ex-husband “another chance.”
“It’s like the hardest feeling to watch someone you really loved and you have a family with just be so different than who you knew,” she says of the controversial rapper — with whom she shares children North, 9, Saint, 7, Chicago, 5, and Psalm, 4.
While Kim tells the momager that his public outbursts “affect” the kids, she also admits that North “doesn’t know” exactly what’s going on.
“When stuff is said it’s a chain to my whole household. No TV. Only Apple TV. I can’t risk an Access Hollywood ‘coming up next’ or anything on the news coming up with their dad mentioned — then they want to watch,” she explains. “I have to figure out a way to like protect, and so they still haven’t seen anything but I go into crisis mode.”
The Skims founder goes on to tell cameras how “hurtful” his remarks have been — including his false accusations that she had an affair with Drake, which she brought up in the season premiere.
“I am the one being accused for so many things and blamed for so many things and it really is hurtful and it sucks but I can control how I react and I can control if I’m a mess then my kids will see that,” she says.
Kim adds, “I really do think that one day my kids will appreciate my silence, my understanding and my grace. And I will try my hardest to keep it together at all times.”
New episodes of The Kardashians air on Thursdays at midnight on Hulu.